The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck

When I first heard about The life-changing magic of not giving a f*ck by Sarah Knight, I thought it was simply a spoof of The life-changing magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo, which, for the record, I read and loved and have positively altered my relationship with “stuff” because of it. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Knight also loved Marie Kondo’s book and simply borrowed her philosophy to tackle “mental clutter” versus actual clutter in your home. Once I read that, I was hooked.

Here is the premise of Sarah Knight’s book:

“I want you to take a minute and do a free-form visualization of all the things that you currently feel pressured — by friends, family, society, or even your own twisted sense of obligation — to give a fuck about…. Now visualize how happy and carefree you would be if you stopped giving all those fucks.”

I wouldn’t say I’m someone who feels obligated to do or care about things for the sake of other people’s opinions of me. I may have been when I was younger, but over the years I’ve gained confidence and figured out what’s important to me. But with that being said, we do sometimes find ourselves in sticky situations, such as family traditions, outings with co-workers, and friends who are delicate flowers. How do you navigate those without destroying your relationships? Enter The life-changing magic of not giving a f*ck. Knight’s book first has you figure out what you don’t give a fuck about, which sounds harsh, but in reality it means the things that you don’t care to spend your time, energy, or money on. Then, she gives you tips on how to  actually stop giving a fuck about those things without being an asshole. This involves a lot of honesty and politeness. As you can see in the flowchart below, sometimes, even if you don’t want to give a fuck, you should for the sake of the people it affects.

Here’s a great tip that will likely help you during the holidays. Let’s say you and your family have opposing political views (election years are always more tense than usual). If someone tries to go off on a political rant over whoever won the election while you’re trying to enjoy your Thanksgiving meal, instead of arguing until your mashed potatoes turn cold (that’s criminal, really), just look at them and say:

“I love you, but we are not having this conversation right now.”

How simple! And versatile! It can even be applied to a conversation with an acquaintance or coworker by swapping out “love” for “respect.” Now, who wants pie?

So, for fun, I decided to work on my list of things I do not give a fuck about (aka don’t want to waste my time, energy, or money on). Here is a sampling:

Things I don’t give a f*ck about:

• College football
• Any and all members of the Kardashian/Jenner clan
• Kickstarter/GoFundMe campaigns
• Whatever you’re trying to sell me on Facebook
• Whatever you’re selling for your child at the office*
• Weddings of acquaintances/distant family members
• Your “birthday weekend” or “birthday month”
• Children’s birthday parties
• Non-urgent, after-hours work emails (I’ll answer it at 8:30 AM.)
• Paint ‘n sip
• Crafting
• Kale
• What my parents’ friends’ children (who aren’t my friends) are up to
• Small plates restaurants
• Restaurants with all locally-sourced ingredients
• “Good” wine (If it’s at Target, I’ll drink it.)
• Hiking
• The Bachelor/The Bachelorette
• Your religious or political beliefs (There’s no reason to discuss it.)

*Exception: Girl Scout Cookies

Obviously, this is all very personal. For example, here’s a list of things I do give a fuck about that most people probably don’t:

• Nice stationery
• Investing in all-natural skincare
• Macarons
• Paying more for a good haircut
• Pumping my home with seasonal scented candles
• Social media
• My best friends’ weddings, showers, and offspring. (BRB, let me go buy you a million gifts because I’m so happy for you I could cry, and I definitely will when I see you walking down the aisle. But no, I will not go to your child’s birthday party unless our future children are also best friends.)

Do you do a lot of things to oblige other people? What do you not give a f*ck about?